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THE DRUG EFFECT

The human mind is seriously one hell of an interesting widget. It is absolutely invisible but yet, its existence so undoubtedly evident. Absolutely strong, certainly powerful and definitely a manipulative bitch! And then we have this human mind’s love child – Emotions! Emotions, a complex state of feeling, that results in physical and psychological changes that influence one’s thought and behavior. Emotions in itself, I would say, is suffering from some sort of multiple personality disorder. And one among the several avatars she takes up is ‘Love’. Love, as I assume, most of us know is way too dynamic and way too difficult for anyone to well define it. But no matter how one defines it, The Mind, the ultimate Godmother, is always the one, playing her games, tricking us shrewdly and then dancing away to glory!

This whole concept of Love-emotion-mind intertwine is seriously super amusing. The number of people infected by this psychic virus is incalculable. While some of us acquire immunity after being infected once, a large number of us fail to acquire it. This infection proceeds in sort of stages. Very ill-defined/overlapping/super-confusing stages and saying that the stages are complex will be an understatement.

The first few stages are always blissful; I mean it’s like Cocaine! You are always in a state of trance and it is the best feeling ever and you simply want to be trapped in there forever and ever and ever for eternity. You are always happy for no valid reason and there is always a mesmerizing, magical rainbow around you. The mind takes you on an euphoric ride to a hypnotic world where you lose your ability to differentiate reality from fantasy. You are emotionally content and you tell yourself this is possibly the best thing that can happen to mankind. Ever. The mind makes you utter (and hear) stuff like ‘Nobody has ever made me feel this way’……..‘I will always be there for you’….. ‘You are best thing ever that has ever happened to me’…. ‘You mean everything to me’ ….. ‘You are my world’… ‘I will do anything for you’ …..blah blah and so much more blah, and of course, the one on constant loop, the most frequent of all ‘I love you baby’. It is like achieving Nirvana. Perfect lucidity and clarity due to cessation of voluntary thoughts and you end up saying, hearing, seeing, feeling and doing things which you know as a matter of fact you would never indulge in otherwise. You feel like you are the epitome of happiness and the whole universe is revolving around you. Even if there is something fallacious, something so obviously defective, the mind tricks you to turn deaf, dumb and blind towards it. Baseline, you are in an ecstatically, elated, extreme happy state of mind. 

The next stage is more or less like a hangover. A bad hangover. A hangover that’s makes you swear you will never do it again. Makes you regret a lot of stuff. You realize you were living in an illusion and what you heard, felt and saw were imaginary and short lived. You think over and over again, try and recall things, and go WTF in a various pitches and tones. You try hard to get back to reality but it seems so hard and so distant. You feel your head throbbing, your body giving away, you feel the continuous gnawing pain but you just don on a mask and pretend to be fine. You try and indulge yourself in things to stop yourself from thinking, to numb down your senses, but you know it is all just palliative. You know it is just bringing in temporary relief and really not helping your mind from wandering away. You walk like a zombie, you look like a raccoon and you try hopelessly to collect the bits and pieces of the jig saw puzzle, trying to figure out what exactly happened, or rather should I say, why and how did it happen. You are constantly trying to figure out the pin that pricked your dreamy bubble. You are not sure if you should blame yourself for sniffing in the magical powder, or blame the powder for being so lethal. The mind decides to mock you, laugh at you, and constantly makes you feel miserable. You feel lost and you are suddenly surrounded by anger, confusion, frustration and depression.

Next comes in the withdrawal stage. As with any other addiction, you develop a relapse. Your body, mind and soul still crave for it. An irresistible desire, to go back to ‘THAT’ state of mind. A feeling of enslavement. Even after being hit by reality and after all the regrets and blah, the mind very cunningly makes you hallucinate the splendid times, and once again you are tricked to run after it. So, here you are now acting stupid, unreasonable, foolish, immature, insensible and fighting a useless battle between your consciousness and sub-consciousness. You sense emptiness, incompleteness and a huge massive void around you. You end up convincing yourself against all laws of logic and reasoning that nothing else will fit in that void. Actual truth being, it is nothing but an unrealistic, imaginative, self-created, worthless, masochistic, delusive void.

After a while, when you are sure cocaine is out stock, you enter a phase of confusion. A phase, where you are constantly comparing and contrasting. You stumble over, say Heroine, the most potent and the best of its kind in market. But you are confused. You are still arguing over if you WANT cocaine or you NEED cocaine, but cocaine. But you also know that there is no way you can get your hands on cocaine. You pick up this new stash, stare at it and do not know what to do about it. You just throw it in your pocket and just let it be there with you. The slight sanity left in you tells you this will help you get back to a happy, much deserved state of mind. But, once bitten twice shy, you also contemplate the post uneventful experiences that may or may not even take place. And one fine day you give in and try out the rebound.

Cautious you, take in the experience much lightly. You are careful with the dosage and you are well aware of the kick setting in this time. You are in control. But you cannot deny the fact that you are enjoying this new drug. This maybe a downer but this is blocking your brain receptors from perceiving pain. And you are glad it is working. The side effects cannot be ignored. In between being stoned and un-stoned, you have an inclination to go back and compare. True or not, the mind makes you believe, this feels good but that felt far better. It’s a critical stage where some decide on experimentation and add on some more opioids to the list, and the rest stick on to just heroine and re enter the blissful first stage. Now, is heroine the right choice of drug or not, that’s something that only time can tell. So now, either you are stuck in the first phase forever or once again the cycle repeats.

The fact is we are all humans. We are the higher beings and we all love being in love. There is no escape from the attractions and there is no escape from the magnetic pull from anything that makes you feel loved. You may love (or have loved) xyz in an unimaginably massive quantum. But not everyone is lucky enough to get back that love, that too from that very same person, in equal (if not more) magnitude. But that really shouldn't matter. That really doesn't mean your world has come to an end. We are allowed to make wrong decisions, wrong choices. We are allowed to be unlucky. Trust me, it is all perfectly normal. But there is always a way to look at it. You can either have a boring, dry, monochromatic perfect life, or a dramatic, chaos filled, adventurous eventful imperfect life with ups and downs.

You are blessed with one life. Feel it. Live it. Love it. Travel. Explore. Experience. Go crazy and never run out of tales to narrate when you reach your 70's. Stop cribbing. Stop controlling. Stop comparing. Stop complaining. Stop compromising with yourself. Keep your self happy and simply watch everything else fall in place. Life is not about the loser who left you or the hollow people you encounter on the way, let Karma take care of all that. Life is all about you and only you. Slow down. Breathe in. Breathe out. Soak in the positive vibes. Love your self first and consider yourself super lucky if you have experienced being in love. It may or may not be a fairy-tale-typo love, but that is not important. What is important is, good or bad, you have been through it. You have experienced it inside out. You have experienced one of the strongest feelings on this damn earth and weather it has been a smooth drive or bumpy one, you have survived  it either ways; you deserve a round of applause. 

Lucky are the ones who find the right drug at the right time, but luckier are the ones who find the right drug at the first go and but saying luckiest are the ones who never need a drug is incorrect. The mind is a crazy bitch and rarely lets you escape temptations. Do not walk off. Take the risk. Even if you fail, you still have a tale!